ROUND ONE COMMENTS - Set 1 #1-8 by RobinRone, literature
Literature
ROUND ONE COMMENTS - Set 1 #1-8
1. "Hunter" Jon Fischer vs. Jerry and Jessica
COMMENTS FOR HUNTER
BagnaTheSupervillain: Jon's personality came through for me much better here than it did in the audition, and Jerry and Jessica were used well as his companions. Jon's unwillingness to get involved in the fight initially and his reluctance to accept favors from gods showed a nice sense of carefulness that contrasted well with his enthusiasm for helping Jerry and Jessica once they were officially working together, while Jerry and Jessica's difficulties with hunger and being seen as outsiders or threats worked very well for the two of them. Although the ways in which those dif
PHOCT Greek Tragedies: Part 1 by phantomeus, literature
Literature
PHOCT Greek Tragedies: Part 1
*One could always tell when a mortal entered the underworld alive. There was an energy that seemed to fill up the space around Alexandra, a visible electricity every time she touched a spirit. The crowd began parting, partially because of this and partially because she was armed to the teeth. One didn't mess with Heroes on a mission, and this one obviously was one.
Of course, of all the eyes that were gradually drifting to the young demigod, one was doing so with purpose. Unseen amongst the crowd, the spy set out a message. A dark shadow disappeared to return to its master, whispering a
AUDITION COMMENTS FOR 22 - 41 by RobinRone, literature
Literature
AUDITION COMMENTS FOR 22 - 41
COMMENTS FOR 22 - 41
22. kuromajiyoleft4dead: Character(s): Alexandra Bran
BagnaTheSupervillain: Good: Alexandra's interactions with other characters are brief but give us a good sense of her motivation. The implication that coming into Hades alive could attract unwanted attention that gives her trouble later on is a good story hook to end on.
Needs work: Since Alexandra's personality is described as a contradiction, it would have been nice to see her react to a wider range of situations so that her complex personality could have shown through more clearly. Since we've only seen her react to the premise of her story in a fairly predictabl
AUDITION COMMENTS FOR 42 - 58 by RobinRone, literature
Literature
AUDITION COMMENTS FOR 42 - 58
COMMENTS FOR 42 - 58
42. phantomdeus: Character(s): Mister P. Jesse Nephilaim
BagnaTheSupervillain: Good: Jesse's personality and shifts in mood are conveyed very effectively through the tone of the comic and his actions and body language, so the spare use of dialogue feels like a virtue rather than a hindrance.
Needs work: Jesse's behavior in the audition follows a very predictable pattern of enthusiasm in being able to help or entertain people and gloom when put in a situation where he feels confused or isolated, which makes him seem much less conflicted (and possibly less interesting) than his character sheet indicates.
lithicbee: Good